there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
