In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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