Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
