Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
