Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
