If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
