I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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