you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
