are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
