Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
