I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
