Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
