The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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