you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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