i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
