1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
