Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
