And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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