his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
