i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
