I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
