What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
