Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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