I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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