I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
