If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Quick, to the slutcave!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
