Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
