3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
