I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
