Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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