I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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