am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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