i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
