My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
