I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
