Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Come see our sink grown plant.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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