Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
