please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
