When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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