every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
