is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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