Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
