I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
