we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
