i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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