onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
