Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
