Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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