I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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