i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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