I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
