Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Two words: blizzard sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
