He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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