Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
