we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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