I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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