well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
