guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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