I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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