I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
