all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
