Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
