Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
