I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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