oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
