I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I know her cup size but not her name....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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