The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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