I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
