And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize