mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
