He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
