I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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