Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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