Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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