my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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