the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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