Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
