I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
