whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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