Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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