I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
