she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
