never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
